Farther On the Journey

We are so pleased and grateful to present a guest post from Ken Delorge. I don't know if he and his wife Claudette are honorary La Tour/Verroi's or if we all are honorary Delorge's, but either way we love them like family. Christy and I are at the beginning of our journey with Josiah and Jalen, but Ken and his family have walked the path through to its earthly end with his sister Susie. Though this is a story that ends in death, it is not a tragedy. From Ken's introduction and the eulogy that he wrote for her, you will hear a love story that ends in jubilation. Today is her second anniversary in Heaven, and we know she is unfettered by disability and expectantly awaiting reunion. For the impact that she had on Ken and the impact that he's had on us, we thank our loving God.

It has been two years since my younger sister Susie passed away due to respiratory complications. As the following eulogy explains, she was a special needs child born into a world that was in a time of tremendous transition and turmoil. As Bob Dylan sang, “the times they were a changing,” but the times were also still dark and insensitive when it came to having children or siblings with special needs. Oscar Pistorius and his phenomenal races during the recently held London Olympic Games highlight the changes that have occurred in the ensuing four decades since my sister’s birth. Those of us personally effected by “special needs” or “differently abled” children rejoiced at his accomplishments. We all have a long way to go and grow when it comes to accepting those that are unlike us. Christians need to completely develop a Christ-like acceptance of others. Those that have not accepted Christ as Savior need to see their own special need: salvation through and in Jesus. Once that has been addressed then and only then can one genuinely accept others as God has created them. 

I remember with great clarity the ignorance and pettiness that I endured as a neighbor railed on me about my sister the “retard”. It is with tears in my eyes that I recall the struggle my Mom had with Susie, and how coming home from school I would gently rock her in my rocking chair and sing songs to her that my Memere Gosselin had taught me. The rocking would calm my sister and provide some relief to my Mom.

As you read this post, be thankful for the family and friends that the LORD in HIS providence has placed into your life. We are all fearfully and wonderfully made. We are so precious in HIS sight that HE freely gave HIS son to die on the cross for each of us - a free gift given to any and all that receive it. I am who I am today because of my sister. For thirty years now I have worked as a teacher due to my love for Susie, as I said at her funeral she is my hero, she is in heaven and I just can’t wait to see her there.

Susie's Eulogy

First of all, on behalf of Mom and Dad, Robby and I and our families thank you for your prayers and support over the past few weeks. We do not know why God choose to take Susan in the manner that HE did, but we know that in “everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under heaven. A time to be born, and a time to die; A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, a time to embrace, and a time to love.”

These past few weeks our family has experienced all these things and each one of us has taken the opportunity to look back and reflect upon our shared journey with Susie these past 44 years.  It has been quite a journey….

Susan Cecil Delorge was born on September 8, 1966 at the Webber Hospital in Biddeford Maine.

Throughout the past 44 years Susie taught us how to love unconditionally, she loved us completely, never expecting or demanding our love in return. But how could we not love her, one of God’s little angels, given to us as an undeserved gift from above.

“Love is patient and kind, love does not envy or boast… love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”  That was the heavenly love that Susie gave to each one of us. 

As a young boy, I can remember asking GOD to heal Susie, to allow me to change places with her. I just didn’t understand why HE made Susie the way HE did. "When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child." I spoke with child like faith to GOD, and thought and reasoned as a child. I just didn’t understand why; none of us did.

Each one of us grows up with dreams, dreams of meeting Mr. or Miss Right, of getting married and starting a family. Mom and Dad were no different. Married on September 2, 1957, they started to live their dream together, Robby came first on July 11, 1958, and I showed up on March 29, 1960. Summers can be hot, and if you know my mother, she hates the heat, so the summer of 1966 must have been a touch uncomfortable for her, but she made it through the summer with our visits to Keoka Lake.  Finally the day arrived and Susie joined our family, Mom and Dad knew something was different with their little girl, she was a gift from GOD that was special and she would have guardian angels working overtime watching over her, not because she might get in trouble - Robby and I would need them for that - but because of her special needs. 

Susie’s special needs led her to many places, and allowed her to the touch the lives of countless people, Mrs. Barton in Derry NH, the folks at Pineland Center, and for the past 16 years the staff at Windmill Farms in Springvale.  Everywhere she went she seemed to enjoy herself, whether it was at the beach, at Camp Waban, at a farm to pet the animals, at the bowling alley with her friends at Windmill farms, or at the Special Olympics. Susie just wanted to enjoy her time with her friends and family, in her own way she made every day a masterpiece. Everyone that she touched will miss her simple artistry. 

“And they were bringing children to him that he might touch them… But Jesus saw it… and said to them “Let the little children come unto me, do not hinder them, for such belongs to the kingdom of God… And he took them in his arms and blessed them, laying his hands upon them.”

Today we grieve, we mourn, and we hurt, how much greater would that sadness be if we had never had Susie in our lives. Each one of us here has been simply blessed by that little girl with the infectious smile and giggle.

Today we have this hope… that "He will wipe every tear from our eyes, …neither shall there be any mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have been taken away."

Susie spent this life confined to the earthly body GOD gave her, but today she walks upon streets of gold, today she talks with Jesus. Today let us remember the little girl that touched our lives with the unconditional love of GOD, let us look upon all of GOD’s children as fearfully and wonderfully made. As precious angels in His sight, just as we looked upon Susie, our daughter, sister, niece, cousin and aunt.  

We love you Susie, I love you Susie; I can't wait to see you again someday…

Giving and Taking Offence: %-words

- from Jeremy

My great grampaw's generation didn't get too hung up on something that we are steady worried about: sensitivity. A person in the public eye these days has to choose their words with exhaustive care lest he/she/it offend someone. We are at once more crass and vulgar as a society than we have ever been, and yet incredibly touchy and petulant. It's really laughable except the part about having to live in it. Modern America would make a terrific Far Side comic or even a great SNL sketch, but it actually is quite taxing when you have to go out in it every day. Allow me to illustrate:

Dateline Wilmington, NC some ten years ago. A public school teacher is given a formal reprimand and told she lacks sensitivity. Her crime? Using a word to describe a character in some literature the class was studying. A parent complained, saying that the word offended her because "it sounds similar to a racial slur."* Now, it's not a racial slur. The definition is,"not generous; stingy," and is of Scandinavian origin lacking any shared etymology with any racial slur. This is sort of like giving someone a thumbs-up and being accused of offense as it looks similar to another gesture of upraised digit. Might that be a little too sensitive?

In fact, if you Google the word "offended" you come up with quite the litany of tragic headlines: "Crawford offended by officer's words," "Atheist group offended by Ag secretary's praying for rain," "Rudy Giuliani offended by 'Ted,'" and my favorite, "Justin Bieber offended by Timberlake comparison." Taking offense is the new American pastime and if the offense or the offended are impressive enough then we will hear about it night and day through what used to be news outlets. Who can forget the great moments in offensive behavior like Don Imus and the Rutgers women's basketball team, or Rush Limbaugh and Sandra Fluke, or Waldenbooks and the AFA, or President Obama and his "special needs kid" bowling performance?

Maybe that last one is more memorable for me. I admit that it hurts when somebody uses the word "retarded" to refer to something they think is lacking or silly or disappointing. Probably it hurts the same way "gay" does when used in that shorthand way. It stings in a way that the "n" word does - albeit probably less and obviously vicariously. We can debate sensitivity and homophobia and racism until the cows come home, but I don't need to be argued into not hurting people. I don't want to hurt with my words. But is it morally wrong to? And how should I react when someone does hurt me or a loved one with their words?

I wasn't always this way. I was 14 once too, you know. I've made my share of jokes that belittled or offended. I've let my glance linger too long on someone in public who was clearly struggling with a disability of some kind. I've said unhelpful things and failed to do helpful things. I've laughed at or failed to confront others who've done the same. And I'm rightly ashamed of that. So what could someone have done to help me see the nature of my behavior when I was 14? If you know anything about teenagers, or if like me you've been one at some point, then you know it's tough to get them to think of others first. So maybe I couldn't be helped when I was 14. But I know better now, and I know that Jack and Olivia know better. I've never had to tell them to be hurt when someone laughs at Josiah's difficulties - they live with him and love him and they hurt for him and take offense for him. And for Jalen, though he doesn't often make quite the same public spectacle.

There's actually a great deal of guidance from the Bible on this subject. Maybe what's needed here is a list. Let's see if we can do one up with some nice bullet points and so forth.

• Oh yeah, this is nice.
• First of all, we shouldn't talk ugly. It's pretty basic. Like your mother told you, if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. This goes double for Christians and triple for when you're talking to an unbeliever. It's hard for me to believe that Jesus would hazard a person's feelings to make a joke, or to advance a political agenda, or to make himself feel superior. And He was superior! There is certainly a way to speak of any subject - even something of intense disagreement - without being offensive. Maybe the implication of the message has to offend, but the words of the messenger shouldn't. We're not all going to agree, but we can be civil.
• Secondly, the Bible tells us that Jesus was difficult to offend. Not impossible, but nearly so. People called Him all kinds of names and spread pretty nasty rumors about Him (and still do), and He took it all in stride. He just blew it off or defused it, but He never demanded an apology or pouted or called His local representative to the Roman Senate. A big part of the character of Jesus during His ministry was humility. It's impossible to understand the mission and message of Jesus apart from the Kenosis. That's the theological term for His act of emptying Himself of all His rights and privileges and taking on the role and form of a servant - with no rights and privileges. Being offended feels like a violation of our human rights, but it's not really. And for Christians, we are told to expect the same treatment that our Lord received.
• Third, insults and injuries and offenses are no different than the other trials that come into our life. Just like disease, hardship, persecution and calamity, insults are a weakness that we can rejoice in and thank God for. Why? Paul told his friends in Corinth that God brings these things into our life purposefully and graciously to make us more like Jesus. No one can do anything to us that God hasn't allowed in His plan. Not even the devil. If you don't believe me, read the book of Job. Notice who brought up the whole subject of Job. Yeah, that's God deciding what will come into the life of His creation, and the devil carrying it out. So the main need of our life is not health and wealth and satisfying relationships - the main need is friendship with Jesus and character that mirrors His. Let's face it, winning the lotto and having everyone in your life fawn over you doesn't exactly send you on a quest for answers. But cancer will. And homelessness will. And a deep emotional cut that hurts the more you think about it. That will.

So let's bring it on home. Should that teacher have been run out of town for using that word? No. Should I ever use it now that I know how hurtful and offensive it can be? I should definitely not. It's my right as an American to say whatever I want, but it's my responsibility as a follower of Jesus to not offend. Should Don Imus have said what he did about those young women on the radio? Certainly not, he shouldn't have said it anywhere to anyone. Should President Obama have made that crack about special needs kids? No way, and I'm sure he wishes he could take it back. Just like Rush probably wishes he could re-do his Sandra Fluke moment. Should Justin Bieber be offended at being compared to Justin Timberlake? Yes, maybe, and no.

* "Teacher reprimanded for word choice". Wilmington Star-News. September 4, 2002